top story of the day

my apologies to James Taranto's Best of the Web, but just in case you are too lazy to actually go to his site, here are the highlights from yesterday--I had to share these...

The World's Smallest Violin"When it comes to reading or arithmetic, Marvin Calvin is delighted to help his two children," the Associated Press reports. "But when it comes to MP3 players, video game consoles, computers or the Internet, he is just baffled":
"I won't even sit down with them and play that little game thing because I don't even know how to operate it," said the 48-year-old Calvin. . . .
He is a technological Rip Van Winkle.

Why isn't Calvin up to date on the latest gizmos? No good reason, really. All he did was a little armed robbery, which landed him in prison for 10 years. "Because of the rapid pace of technological change, thousands of inmates like Calvin leave prison every year to find a world very different from the one they knew when they went in." The heart bleeds.

And Just as His Sentence Was Ending!"Man Serving Life for Murder Dies"--headline, Athens (Ga.) Banner-Herald, Oct. 24

Luckily, He Won't Have to Pay It"Dead Man Gets Parking Ticket"--headline, Reuters, Oct. 21

At Least Unicorns and Dodos Are Safe"Mermaids, Dinosaurs Deemed Terror Targets"--headline, Tampa Tribune, Oct. 25

Cheese-Eating Surrender Ducklings"Egypt Slaughters French Ducklings Amid Flu Fears"--headline, Expatica.com, Oct. 23

'You're Supposed to Pin It on the Donkey, Dammit!'"Six Stabbed at 1-Year-Old's Birthday Party"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 24