I emptied myself

If you are easily grossed out, stop reading.

There is normally not a good reason to call in sick, if you are coughing and achy and running a fever, doing so on your couch at home is no different than doing so at your cube.

There is one situation where it makes sense to stay home when you aren’t feeling well---a nasty bout with the stomach flu. In order to qualify as a “nasty bout”, one has to spend over 8 hours lying on the bathroom floor simultaneously sweating and chilling while contemplating the great mysteries of life, like: if I haven’t eaten in over 12 hours, how could I possibly have anything to throw up? Or, what exactly happens in my stomach and lower intestines when I am sick that causes everything to be liquefied?

I spent my Tuesday morning starting around 3 am until around noon taking great care to clear the entire contents of my intestines, it was a fire sale---everything must go!

I feel much better now, although that is not exactly a great accomplishment, because I was “mostly dead” yesterday (remember The Princess Bride?). On the plus side, I only managed to eat two pieces of toast so I am pretty certain that my intestines are as clean as they have ever been—if I were to accidentally be turned inside out, it wouldn’t be all that disgusting.