Monday, August 15, 2005

Chief Brody Slap

Greg Gutfeld writes a humorous post on Huffington Post....
No one sent me the email about it being ALL-CINDY FRIDAY, and now I feel like a wallflower at an orgy. A BIG FAT HAIRY WALLFLOWER. It's like showing up at a costume party, and everyone but me came dressed as a blood-sucking ghoul!
But I will give it a shot:
GREG'S OBLIGATORY CINDY SHEEHAN POST !Sitting here with my can of beer online shopping for a new gardening hat, I can't help but think: what do the thoughtful Huffposters really want out of this media-inflated standoff with President Bush?It must be:
THE CHIEF BRODY SLAP is based on the infamous scene in Jaws when a distraught mom slaps Roy Scheider across the face. Her son was eaten by a shark, but she blames the sheriff. Because he didn't do enough. It's not the shark, it's the sheriff. It's like me blaming Arianna for Christine Lahti's post. But unjustified. And with a shark.
THE CHIEF BRODY SLAP (CBS) is a chief staple in an any liberal diet: a fiery mix of outrage, self-rightious indignation and condemnation delivered from a moral highground so lofty it gives you a nosebleed. The Brody Slap is predicated on the idea that you don't need a solution, only blame. Who needs a real alternative when you're already outraged? It's easy!
Where do lefty celebs learn to deliver the Brody slap with such blinding speed and conviction?YOGA SCHOOL? PILATES? THE PRIUS DRIVING MANUAL?
NO. The Chief Brody Slap comes naturally. To actors. It's really pantomime.It's all symbolism, no action. And, like a seaweed wrap, it makes you feel good all over. While the rest of us do the heavy lifting, all you have to do is emote, when the going gets rough.
SOME FAMOUS BRODY-SLAPS THROUGHOUT HISTORY: Nero shoots the messenger. Smokers sue big tobacco. Johnny Depp moves to France. And just about any incident involving Sean Penn.
For the Brody Slap to work, the Huffpo will want Cindy Sheehan to talk to the President about her son in the same way Michael Moore wanted to talk to Roger Smith about Michigan poverty....not because something constructive will come out of the encounter, but because it will feel good making somebody else look evil.
And then, of course, haul off and whack the commander in chief so hard that even Roy Scheider feels it (in the Hamptons).
So while the Huff-posters pretend to feel sympathy for the mother, who no doubt deserves it, it's an act. They are using her, and that makes them stink of tripe. And not the good kind you can use to make haggis.


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