Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Divine Bowling Coalition

Self styled education activist Rob Van Der Sloot is suing the school board of Pig Snout, Arkansas for the right to teach children in our great nation “alternative theories” for the explanation of natural phenomena such as thunder.

While conventional scientific theories have described lightning as a giant spark that superheats the air around it causing a rapid expansion of gases and the trademark “boom” of thunder, some scientists have offered other explanations.

One such alternative is Divine Bowling: a theory that suggests that the thunder that we experience during thunderstorms is actually the result of the supernatural bowling tournament held intermittently in the heavens, and while we are unable to physically see the spectacular bowling event, Mr. Van Der Sloot is confident that his “Divine Bowling,” explanation is every bit as scientifically sound a theory as the conventional wisdom.

“I can’t see negatively charged ions, or electrically charged particles---how could they possibly cause that noise? On the contrary, have you ever stood in a bowling alley during Thurssday night tourneys? Now that seems more plausible” said Mr. Van Der Sloot.

Other alternative theory advocates are encouraging educators to keep an open mind, and be willing to teach alternatives.

There is also the theory of the “Big Giant Invisible Man that drags his feet on shag carpet” explanation for the existence of lightning.

At this time, it’s too early to tell, but we clearly want to keep an open mind to all possible explanations. There is no black and white, we all live in shades of grey. One man’s negatively charged ion is another man’s supernatural omnipotent bowler.


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