I blame global warming

We are in the midst of our first big snow storm, full of "wintery mix." I think it's clearly the work of global warming.

Same with that Russian spy that was poisoned.

And Lindsay Lohan's illiterate letter of condolence to Robert Altman's family...it's all the result of America dependence on foreign oil.

We are also dependent on foreign christmas lights, foreign cheese, and foreign easily assembled furniture.