Helpful hints to avoid H5N1

Lot's of people are worried about the coming avian flu pandemic, and while we can all agree that millions will die and it is George Bush's fault, I thought I would share some helpful health hints on how to protect yourself from infection:

1. Try not eat the feces of an infected bird, even if the bird says, "hey baby, I'm clean." Don't take it's word for it. If you eat its poop you might get infected.
2. Do not pulverize the bones of a dead infected bird and inhale them. I know this is an enticing activity, and honestly, who hasn't accidently inhaled the pulverized bones of a dead chicken?
3. Do not accidentally mutate into a bird and come into close contact with another bird that is infected and then mutate back into a human.

If we all take these three simple precautions, we can rest easy that the only pandemics we need to worry about are mad-caw, SARS, and the bubonic plague.